During my ADHD Coach training with Esther Barrett, I had an epiphany. I knew, without any shadow of doubt, that I wanted to see neurodivergent people breaking free from the fetters our culture places upon them.
Working in social care for 40 years, I saw trends and prevailing thinking adversely affect neurodivergent people. We expect neurodivergent people to adapt and change to neurotypical ways of living and then wonder why people become stressed and anxious, and fail to realise their potential.
Neurodivergent Coaching is different. It shifts the paradigm. It turns the tables. For a start, the Coachee is seen for who they are: a whole, valid human being with strengths and without deficits. Neurodivergence is not a disability; it is a neurotype, and no two brains are the same.
It is also important to recognise that the neurodivergent brain, like all brains, adapts. It responds to crises, learns patterns, and adapts to stay safe when similar experiences recur. Events and circumstances give rise to adaptations that become survival mechanisms. Over time, these adaptations can become undigested life experiences, held in the system and playing out in many and varied ways, often at great personal cost.
Our organised systems tend to pathologise. They assign a label to a person, and that person is then assigned to a service where conformity takes precedence. These services frequently work against the neurodiverse nervous system rather than with it. Tragically, people can spend years trapped in siloed systems, treading water rather than building lives, caught in a never-ending cycle of self-fulfilling prophecy. We end up in situations where people are literally at war with themselves, leading to crises and debilitating burnout.
Neurodivergent Coaching enables and empowers people to become who they truly are, within a safe, strengths-based, neuro-affirming, trauma-informed therapeutic space where people are free to be their wonderfully authentic selves.
The message is simple:
There’s nothing wrong with you.
Part of this adaptation process is the evolution of our inner critic: a voice that is negative and controlling in nature, yet originally developed to keep us safe. The difficulty is that the inner critic is rooted in fear. One of the joys of coaching is that the Coach and Coachee work together to transform that inner critic into an inner coach, which then becomes an internal resource of safety.
This is where co-regulation becomes such an important part of coaching. As the Coach, I regulate my nervous system prior to my session with you. I notice what is going on for me and take care of it, building my own awareness so that I can be fully present for you. This, in turn, helps you to calm, soothe, and feel safe enough to be present.
Titration helps you break down whatever feels overwhelming in the moment into much smaller, manageable pieces. This reduces pressure, allows for mindful enquiry, and connects you with inner resources that build your capacity to feel safe in the world.
This is why grounding is so important in coaching. It is not unusual for me, before diving into the work, to invite the Coachee to ground with me. This might look like:
Inviting you to look around your room for something neutral or even pleasant to rest your eyes on. This could be a plant, a picture, or simply a patch of colour on the wall. I may invite you to notice that I am here with you, and that I see you with unconditional positive regard. This is a simple 60-second exercise.
Next, for a further 60 seconds, I might invite you to focus on the physical support beneath you: feeling the weight of your body in the chair, noticing your feet in contact with the floor. Gently pressing your heels into the ground for a moment and then releasing, so you can sense the floor holding you, signals to the body that it can settle; the chair and the floor have you.
Finally, again for just a minute, we might take a few breaths together. Breathing in through the nose for a count of four, then allowing a long, slow exhale through pursed lips, as though breathing through a narrow straw, helps to settle the nervous system and bring us into co-regulation.
Such an approach to coaching creates a safe bubble, one where you feel at ease and seen, and where we co-exist for an hour. This allows the work we do together to be real and enduring.
If you are tired of treading water and are ready to explore what it feels like to be truly seen and safe in your own skin, I would love to hold that space for you.
